Blog Post #9: Health-care Directive

When to Let Go

       When I first opened up the Hawai’i Advance Health-Care Directive, I was surprised by how emotionless and solemn the wording was. The directive was conveying a very sensitive emotional decision about losing one’s independence and facing eminent death yet every aspect of the directive lacked any sense of understanding or comfort. After reading through the heavy choices on each page, I hoped that the agents I trust my life to will have more empathy than the writers of this directive. 

I have seen my mom shoulder the burden of determining the fate of my grandpa when he was in the hospital fighting cancer, and one of the concerns that came into question was whether my grandpa should be resuscitated or not. During his final days, I still remember the look of despair yet acceptance in my grandpa’s eyes, which said, “I am ready to die”. He didn’t want to hold onto a life where he would have to be constantly monitored by nurses, hooked to machines, and apart from his family. From my mom’s experience dealing with my grandpa’s life and grandpa’s experience dealing with his death, I have come to realize that at a certain point, I won’t be able to live my life how I want. At that point, I will have to accept death with grace, whether it be taking myself off life support or agreeing not to be resuscitated. Even though I can say I want to pass on with grace, I think I am too young to fully understand the feeling of accepting death, losing my independence, and having to leave my fate with someone else. Since I have so much more years to live and so much more experience and wisdom to gain, my mentality is to continue living for as long as I can. I think that with time and the aging of my body, I might come to understand when I should stop desperately grasping for life and when I should accept the reality of death.