Blog Post #4: My Biggest Obstacle

Amity Tran

HON 101

Schultz

28 September 2016

Blog Post #4: My Biggest Obstacle

The day before my first day of high school, my mom told me that I would never be the best. She said that even if I am good at something, I will never be the best because there will always be someone better than me. I know that there was good intent behind her words. She was trying to teach me modesty, but I feel like her words are the reason why that my biggest obstacle is myself.

In middle school, I had big dreams. I wanted to go to Harvard, be valedictorian in high school, class president and all the other things that make a good student. However, none of that happened. I did not even attempt to do any of those things. The only college I applied to was UH because I did not think I was good enough to be accepted into any other schools. I never tried to get a high GPA because I just knew the role of valedictorian was unattainable. And I did not run for class president or any other government position because I was scared no one would vote for me.

Even though it sounds like I have low self-esteem, I do not. I just have low expectations for myself. I will always put my best effort into everything I do, but I will never expect to do well. I only hope that I did enough. I never hope to exceed anybody’s expectations because why even try? Like my mom said, I will never be the best. While that is true to some extent, her words changed the way I thought of myself when I went started high school. In middle school, I thought I could do anything, but now, everything just seems out of reach.

I am not sure if my mother’s words were a big sip of reality or if I just took her words too seriously. Either way, those words give me a constant feeling of self-doubt that has always held me back from progressing academically and socially. I hope to someday be rid of this self-doubt because I will not be able to achieve anything if I do not allow myself start trying.

Question for Timothy Denevi: How did it feel when you finally had a name (ADHD) for why you were "different" from others growing up?